Self-sufficiency Seeker Pillows

DIY helpdesk.

"No Man is an Island" Research Project

"We're tolerably self sufficient. Alistair, for example, makes all our own petrol."

They hated me.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Self help acupuncture

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Critisize your weight.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I can't make it out - on the packet it said radishes."

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Now that I've solved all my problems, I think I'm ready to create more"