Self-service Enthusiast Pillows

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

DIY Butchers

"Opening a restaurant, eh? What kind?" "Self-service."

Complaints department

"A lot of warranties are about to expire."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'The customer is always right...'

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

Fast Food Restaurant

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

Self Service Island

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"Thanks for waiting."

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Kangaroo Pocket

Condom Delivery

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'I'm tired of using every part of the stupid buffalo -- I wish they'd put a Wal-Mart in around here!'

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

DIY helpdesk.

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

Not in the mood for human interaction line

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

'I never get tipped!'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant