Self-service Aficionado Pillows

Bar Bar

"Find my items... scan my items... pay for my items... bag my items..."

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

Self help acupuncture

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Woman pouring perfume into her bath.

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

Dating is so expensive...

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

New Twenty Blades

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'The customer is always right...'

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

DIY Butchers

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

'And with this model we'll throw in free a self-basting attachment!'

Sorry, the beard is at an awkward stage

"I think I'll pass - I'm having a really bad-nose day."

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

"No Wilson, I don't want to hear your daily mantra."

Beauty regime

"Thanks for waiting."

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

Rubber Duck Has Made A Nest

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

"I can't remember if I took my smart pill."