Self-service Devotee Pillows

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

Spa

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

Thomas Hardy

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

D.I.Y

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Like father like son.

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

A history of "high" fashion for old guys.

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

Kenny's mom always made his lunch.

Who says you're pasture prime?

DIY Butchers

"You complete me."

One book... One book... One book...

Manual Worker

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

Translating Contractor to English

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'