Self-service Devotee T-Shirts

"How much do you think I should I tip myself?"

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

Spa

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

Thomas Hardy

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

Axle greaseMarine greaseElbow grease .

D.I.Y

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

Like father like son.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

Manual Worker

"You complete me."

DIY Butchers

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

Who says you're pasture prime?

Kenny's mom always made his lunch.

One book... One book... One book...

Translating Contractor to English

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'