Self-reflectors Gifts

Fat man looks in mirror and sees slim, handsome reflection.

'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggonit, I'm not poorly drawn!'

"O.K., maybe I need to change my life, or maybe you could just tweak my medication."

'What do you mean, I'm immature.'

"So this sense of failure stems from the fact that you're not catching any worms despite getting up early?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Why can't I ever see things my way?"

"Last week I caught a glimpse of my nude self in a mirror. Is there a medication that can erase that image from my memory?"

Things I should be proud of - but am not. Things I shouldn't be proud of - but am.

'Do you know who you're addressing?'

'Things were fine until the day that kid yelled 'Hey look at that ugly duck with the black mole over it's beak and the long neck!'...To think I spent all those years parading around, thinking I was a swan. I can't bear the embarrassment of it any longer.'

"Sounds like you're suffering from slow self-esteem."

'Are you talking to me?'

"Have you noticed? Miss Harris talks to herself."

"For a thick-skinned mammal, I've always been pretty thin-skinned."

Let me ask you a man-to-man question, Randy, asterisk. Shoot. Let's say you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you notice your first gray hair. Would it be manlier to immediately pluck it out and pretend it never happened, or would it be manlier to tell yourself it's actually blond? Armstrong, avoiding the truth is never manl ... wait ... "asterisk"? (Asterisk) By answering my question you enter into a binding non-disclosure agreement.

"It's just like Zoom except no one else is looking at me."

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"He's his own worst enemy."

Cellphone Islands

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

That party went well.

"The overthinker"

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'