Digital Self-reflector Gifts

The Selfie Lie

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"It's days like this that make me long for days like this."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

That party went well.

"The overthinker"

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Cellphone Islands

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"You need to stop bottling it up."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"When you look at me, Alice, what do you see?"

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"Is this who I am?"

Pachyderm insomnia.

"I think I'll keep a diary..."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'