Self-reflection Fans Pillows

Book reading a work titled: 'How to be self-reflexive.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

The Da Vinci Cod

You're my Venus

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"I attended a leadership seminar, they learnt a lot from me."

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"Use your head, follow your heart and go with your gut."

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

They were long past their canine pasts, but the rare stamp brought out the beast in them.

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

'I wouldn't advise you to write your autobiography. It would be a very dull read.'

'Someone stole my identity, didn't like it and sent it back.'

"Being a celebrated artist, I do sometimes wonder why you never celebrate me."

Rembrandt's Selfies

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"Another selfie, Rembrandt?"

"I'm not loitering officer, I 'm waiting for the next renaissance!"

"Oh come now, Mr And Mrs narcissus, Have you two been fighting again?"

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!