Self-improvement Fan Pillows

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'

Let us turn you from a dud into a dude.

'Wow, you're right: You look pretty ugly in this baby photo...'

Mel realizes he brought his gratitude list to the grocery store by mistake.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I attended a leadership seminar, they learnt a lot from me."

Attention seeker's anonymous.

"I'm giving up being a sex god for New Year!"

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

Plastic surgery clinic - "What are you having done?"

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Joel grows a pair of balls.

I'm attending a 3 week, 6-part seminar with 15 speakers to learnhow to think for myself.

The Mantra Ray

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

What else is there to wish for?

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

Self Help / Elf Help.

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."