Self-improvement Lover Pillows

'There is some good news. Your self esteem is not as low as it should be.'

"Are you there now, Linda? Are you in that happy, safe place that brings you peace and assurance, and deep contentment?"

"Help, I can't read my weight!"

They hated me.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

What else is there to wish for?

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Critisize your weight.

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'