Self-improvement Junkie Pillows

When life gives you lemons...

Deluded pear thinks she has a slim body shape.

"In order to be free I had to make certain adjustments."

COMPULSIVE LIARS.

Self-Help Books / How to accept criticism.

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

"And next, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to anyone who's here for their first meeting of Clockwatchers Anonymous."

'Remember, Spivack - laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and it moves in for the kill.'

Learn yourself English.

"You will go far in your profession, have a gorgeous family, and own lots of property... Or you will struggle with money, have many marriages, and sabotage your own best efforts... Depending on the choices you make."

Wisdom for dummies

'I have to start a diet. I used to wear a size medium but now I was told I need a larger size. However, I think I can still fit into an extra medium size.'

"So Mr Rigby, tell us a little bit about myself."

The power of positive affirmations

"I have used this unexpected stay-at-home time to get really good at new skills."

"You must try your best...no matter what you do. Just don't get obsessive."

"You know, enlightenment and mustache wax don't really go together."

'But I won't let it change me.'

"I saw my shadow. It made me look fat."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'I wonder if I can reschedule the grocery delivery for Thursday instead of Tuesday?'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Be true to yourself in all things."

"With my new confidence, I can finally say it...you wanna go to the movies tonight?"

"I'm awesome!!"

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

"Authenticity, little buddy. That's the secret to success in love, in the workplace... in everything."

How's my driving? Do you like the color of my cab? What do think of my t-shirt? Should I get a haircut? Grow it out?

The secret to life, Bob, was the ability to laugh at yourself. The secret to life, John, was the ability to laugh at Bob. Bob's suspicions confirmed.

'Stripped-of-all-pretense' beach next to a nudist beach.

"I suck!"

They hated me.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'