Self-improvement Fan Gifts

'Plastic Surgery, come as you are and leave as you wish'

Let us turn you from a dud into a dude.

'Wow, you're right: You look pretty ugly in this baby photo...'

Mel realizes he brought his gratitude list to the grocery store by mistake.

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I attended a leadership seminar, they learnt a lot from me."

Push yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. You will never know your limits unless you push yourself to them. Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is worth fighting for. Passion is pushing yourself when no one else is around. Are you two going to help on not?! I thought we were.

Attention seeker's anonymous.

"I'm giving up being a sex god for New Year!"

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

Plastic surgery clinic - "What are you having done?"

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Joel grows a pair of balls.

I'm attending a 3 week, 6-part seminar with 15 speakers to learnhow to think for myself.

The Mantra Ray

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

What else is there to wish for?

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

(Man with 'BEFORE sign): 'My wife says I'm a work-in-progress.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."