Self-importance Fan Pillows

'Anyway enough about me. Let's talk about my job instead.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

The Da Vinci Cod

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

You're my Venus

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"Ok, maybe this isn't happening."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"I attended a leadership seminar, they learnt a lot from me."

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

"Use your head, follow your heart and go with your gut."

"Another selfie, Rembrandt?"

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"I'm not loitering officer, I 'm waiting for the next renaissance!"

Rembrandt's Selfies

"I worry that some people find me boring"

Your Palm

Push yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. You will never know your limits unless you push yourself to them. Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is worth fighting for. Passion is pushing yourself when no one else is around. Are you two going to help on not?! I thought we were.

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

"Travel changed me."

Frankly, I'm not as interested in resisting temptation as I am in finding it!

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

"It's funny. . . I know it's the renaissance, but I keep writing dark ages on my checks!"

"They may be champagne problems, but they're my problems."

"You're so vein."

Thomas Wyatt