Self-publishing Pioneer Pillows

"Health officials now confirm the proliferation of a new epidemic they're calling 'way too many memoirs being published.'"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

Sumo Love.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

A man crosses a fountain pen bridge to reach books.

'Shakespeare's Hamlet word for word - and I who always thought it was a crazy joke.'

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Man milks a book.

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

Admirable People - No.7. The man who invented writing before anyone could read.

"We liked your use of punctuation, capitalization, underlines, parentheses, and italics. After that, we had reservations."

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

'I self-published my e-book and uploaded it into 'the cloud'...but I'm not sure which one.'

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

'Ye gods, Will - art thou still monkeying about with that Ooh-ooh language?'

Book Shop: DYI section

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

"Sometimes I feel alone in the universe."

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

'I think your book will be a huge success.'

Knowing your audience

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

Don't get so excited - it's from you. Self-publishers Clearinghouse. I may already be a winner!

Man on Desert Island reads about himself.

"I'm self-published."

Martin Luther was a pioneer of self-publishing.

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'