Self-published Author Pillows

"I'm self-published."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Thomas Mann.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Meet the author"

Edgar Allen Poe

Ban on Free Speech

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Reading my Critics