Self-praise Expert Gifts

'You're unquestionably the most handsome, intelligent, virile, chick-magnet to ever grace these parts.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"We really need to put some more mirrors in here."

'You should have seen me sooner, Mr. Fenswick.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

'Guess what! I got my act together! And this is it!'

"I've decided to redefine as a GREAT artist."

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Never mind how other see you, how do you see yourself?"

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

"Even my mother and father never believed in me."

Anthony Rottweiler: Motivational Dog Speaker

Self Love Witch

"Don't make me look fat!"

Body Shaming

"It's my self-portrait. Obviously."

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"Be honest, Ralph, does my butt makes these pants look big?"

Santa Self Esteem.

'You've got a lot of nerve, lady, calling my son's answers 'wrong'...His answers may be different, but they're just as special and beautiful as anyone else's.'

Ms. Walsh, I'll be unavailable today...I'm spending it with my ego wall.

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!