Self-image Uplift Gifts

'Casper just lost twenty seven and a half pounds, but his head is just as fat as ever.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

PROBLEM AREAS

"Nice haircut."

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Girl's weight issues.

Don't Take No For an Answer

"What does she have that I don't?"

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

TV-Mirror.

'Cosmetic surgery.'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

Seminar: Find Someone Cool to Imitate.

'Great white shark! Where do they get that 'great' stuff? Know how hard that is to live up to?'

'Fortunately, I'm not driven by a deep need for validation.'

'What do you mean 'when push came to shove, I patted'?'

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

'I'm trying to work on Mr. Findlay's self-esteem, Miss Oglethorpe — stop giggling in there!'

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

'Seth, please bring me a copy of every search engine article that mentions my name in a favorable light. I need an ego boost.'

"Even my mother and father never believed in me."

Comfort Zone Lady Leaving a Room.

"Here, I've developed a pedometer that keeps track of how many people walk all over you."

"Don't make me look fat!"

"Be honest, Ralph, does my butt makes these pants look big?"

Complimentary nuts: 'You may well be the most handsome, virile chap in the room tonight.'

"I just saw myself in the mirror naked and I look like hell. How about a nice compliment to lift my spirits."

"If only legginess were based on circumference."