Self-esteem Improvement Gifts

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

PROBLEM AREAS

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

Thanks to therapy, Bob no longer felt like a nobody. He felt like an anybody.

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Aging Problems

Always remember...you're the best you in the world.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

Girl's weight issues.

Don't Take No For an Answer

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

"Gracie, can you make me soar?"

'Fortunately, I'm not driven by a deep need for validation.'

'Great white shark! Where do they get that 'great' stuff? Know how hard that is to live up to?'

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

'What do you mean 'when push came to shove, I patted'?'

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

"Anymore, I'm appearing in only small secondary rolls in my dreams."

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"Well. It DOES make you look thinner."

'I'm trying to work on Mr. Findlay's self-esteem, Miss Oglethorpe — stop giggling in there!'