Self-help Professional Gifts

'An OPTIMIST thinks that we're moving towards the best of all possible worlds - a PESSIMIST thinks that we've already arrived.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Self help acupuncture

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Imagining a Better World Isn't Really That Hard

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Relationship Warning Lights

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Window Treatment

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Yet she never gains an ounce."