Self-help Speaker Gifts

Ok, the first challenge is to throw out all the cheap crap in the swag bag we just gave you.

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Self help acupuncture

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Relationship Warning Lights

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Window Treatment

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'You must heal yourself.'