Self-fix Enthusiast Gifts

'I see you tried to fix it yourself.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Tool Box

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

What else is there to wish for?

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

How to win friends and Influenza People.

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'You must heal yourself.'

"My pets found out they were adopted."

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

Self Help / Elf Help.

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

Always expect the best

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'101 ways to drive your boss crazy.' 'How to stay sane at the top.'

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"What made you start blogging about success?"

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."