Self-esteem Satirist Gifts

'Honey, does the wild pig that I swallowed whole for lunch make me look fat? No, dear, it's just the lighting.

"Apparently removing my reproductive organs wasn't enough."

'Me, I weigh myself in the water: I get a better reading...'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

Bald Man Overcomb

New from Lockdown Press

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

"I'm a HUNK of burning love!"

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'The secret to great abs? Marker pen.'

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

'Does what's left of my bum look big in that?'

Unnecessary Surgery

"Long term I'm worried about global warming - short term, about freezing my ass off."

Cat Self-Help Support Group

'I would appreciate if your young lady waited for you up the road,Wilkins.'

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

Business Seminar: How to profit from inflation.

'Saline implants? That'd kill you! I'd take anything Rick says with a grain of salt- But I suppose that'd kill you too.'

'And I'm'm not coming out of there 'til I'm amber!'

'Don't try and cheer yourself up. Leave it to us experts.'

"If I hear someone use the word 'mindful' one more time, I'm going to lose my mind."

'Your surveillance videos always make me look fat.'

"You are a very special person with a hangover!"

"I've just joined a support group for boring people."

Photographer

"Oh, come on! At least tell me I'm in the top fifty fairest people in the land!"

Doc, I firmly believe in portion control as long as I control them!