Self-diagnosis Sleuths Gifts

"A quick internet search stopped me worrying about my aching back...."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"Watch carefully...it hurts when I do this."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Optician and the PI.

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

"I'd like to introduce our guest speaker, here to speak about the phenomenon of deja vu."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

Sherlock Holmes.

News of the Underworld

"So, did you hear about all the excitement?"

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

It's my turn to put you under electronic surveillance. Cops-n-Robbers-n-Identity Thieves-n-Corporate Investigators.

"I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I'm worried that I might be dead."

Trainspotter spotting: 'Gosh! A type 406 with original thermos.'