Self-defence Advocate Pillows

"Just off to the feast mother and don't worry, I've packed my mace."

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

Mod Kwan Doh

Martial Arts

Justice 4 Ron

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

Martial Arts

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

Martial arts and clumsiness.

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

In case of fire call yourself.

No Tread on Me

"So it's kick-boxing now, is it, Debbie?"

"I just want to learn enough to be able to survive the train to work."

Fortunately, Nigel had something up his sleeve.

The power of positive affirmations

'Okay - imagine you're a bailiff coming at me with a repossession order.'

The Karate Master

"This guy's good!"

"So let's all remember... 'Believe in yourself and others will believe in you!'"

Before There Was Pepper Spray

'My wife gave me a pair of nunchucks for my birthday -- I think she's trying to kill me!'

"Misses 100% of the shots he does take. Still loves hockey."

"Some people think I'm just a little girl...but they're wrong! I'm a woman on my way up!"

Muggers.

"If the sexual harassment is bothering you, my karate class is always looking for new members."

'-with every bottle comes our free Jujitsu course!'

County Court. I don't care how many self-defense classes you've taken. Acting as your own lawyer is still a bad idea.

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.

'I may be a 97 pound weakling, but nobody kicks sand in my face!'

"I knew we shouldn't have let Health and Safety run the self defence course!"

Woman aims pepper spray at man who tries to kiss her using mistletoe.

'Maybe you should ease up on the burglar.'