Self-centered Friend Pillows

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

Twenty-first century baby walker

No Immediate Danger

'Remember the...um...the...uh...oh, yeah...remember the Alamo!'

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Aging Support Group

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Man with 'low memory' on his phone and his head

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

"I'll help you find your glasses after I find my horn."

Amnesia Clinic: "Take one of these pills whenever you remember to."

Loud Chorister

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

"Can't you read? Our shipment is late."

'Oh flips! I've forgot me anvil again!'

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

'You've left your laptop at the office.' - 'Why didn't you tell me before I left?' - 'Great... an extra hour of pointlessness to round off my day...' - 'You've left your power supply at the office.' - 'Right.'

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."