Self-centered Friend Gifts

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Twenty-first century baby walker

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

No Immediate Danger

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

"I did my 10,000 steps by looking for my reading glasses."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

Amnesia Clinic: "Take one of these pills whenever you remember to."

Man with 'low memory' on his phone and his head

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

Loud Chorister

'Bonny, I've forgotten...What time is that 9 o'clock meeting tomorrow?...'

"I can't remember where we're going."

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

'You've left your laptop at the office.' - 'Why didn't you tell me before I left?' - 'Great... an extra hour of pointlessness to round off my day...' - 'You've left your power supply at the office.' - 'Right.'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

Didn't we fire you last week?

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

'Oh flips! I've forgot me anvil again!'