Self-conscious Soul Pillows

Insecurity

'Still ugly? Then come in and get p****d'

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

That party went well.

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

The Sensitive Dude.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.' 'There goes my political career!'

Kid to church leader: 'Is Heaven environmentally friendly?'

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

If you were an iceberg...

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

'It's so beautiful, yet fragile. Safe, yet vulnerable. More precious than any star in the heavens.'

'No sooner had I gotten over religious guilt when I developed eco-guilt.'

"It's okay. I'm still ranked at the top of my class in self-esteem."

"You've got solipsistic narcissism, take two selfies and call me in the morning."

'Be sure to eat every bite — the chef is a very sensitive guy.'

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."