Self-conscious Soul Pillows

Insecurity

'Still ugly? Then come in and get p****d'

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

That party went well.

"Look, it's my word balloon."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

The Sensitive Dude.

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"I knew it!"

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

Kid to church leader: 'Is Heaven environmentally friendly?'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.' 'There goes my political career!'

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

Psychiatry. I think I'm my own worst enemy because I like to back the winning side!

So, when did I realize I was a control freak, doc?…

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

If you were an iceberg...

'It's so beautiful, yet fragile. Safe, yet vulnerable. More precious than any star in the heavens.'

"Teach a man to fish, and he'll know how to fish."

"You've got solipsistic narcissism, take two selfies and call me in the morning."

'Be sure to eat every bite — the chef is a very sensitive guy.'

"Did I miss something?"

The first step is losing the illusion that you're in control of your actions.