Safety Conscious Soul Pillows

"Health and safety need you to put rubber tips on your arrows and replace the angel tears in your love potion with saline."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

No Immediate Danger

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

Bug Spray/Sun Screen

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

The Sensitive Dude.

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

"For goodness sake, stop this daily whining! She's just gone to work, she'll be back tonight! Get a grip!"

"Looks like a tragic accident Chief. Although how he could trip and fall under a road roller beats me."

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

The sound of a crackling fire licking at seasoned logs...

"Did I miss something?"

"It's okay. I'm still ranked at the top of my class in self-esteem."

"Oh really, Gerald! You're removing honey from the hives, not plutonium!"

'It's so beautiful, yet fragile. Safe, yet vulnerable. More precious than any star in the heavens.'

"Funnily enough, although Rex said I was "too chicken to try", I made the sensible choice..."

'Be sure to eat every bite — the chef is a very sensitive guy.'

Product Recall (aeroplane)

Woman buying a 'Steak and Donkey' pie from supermarket.