Self-conscious Souls Pillows

"Dating is hard when you feel like people only like you for your legs."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

That party went well.

"Look, it's my word balloon."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

I wonder what they're moaning about right now?

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

Kid to church leader: 'Is Heaven environmentally friendly?'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.' 'There goes my political career!'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Bald man with a brush on his head

"For goodness sake, stop this daily whining! She's just gone to work, she'll be back tonight! Get a grip!"

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

If you were an iceberg...

"You've got solipsistic narcissism, take two selfies and call me in the morning."

'No sooner had I gotten over religious guilt when I developed eco-guilt.'

"Fine, but, what if we all took a vow of silence? Then how many monks would you see in cartoons?"

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

"Does this bird make me look fat?"

'Does my bum look big in this'

"Health and safety need you to put rubber tips on your arrows and replace the angel tears in your love potion with saline."

"Just to let you know, that 'Is it in yet?' joke is pretty damaging to my confidence."

"Right foot, left foot, inhale, exhale, right foot..."

"Help me doc - I keep thinking I'm inside a cartoon."

"What a nice old tree! Let’s carve a heart with our initials in it." "Oh, yes, how romantic! Wound an innocent life-form you know nothing about. God, I hate people."