Self-conscious Sweetheart Pillows

"I've got buck teeth, an overbite, big ears, pink eye, a harelip, and I live in a hole. She must love me!"

"I love you, you big fool."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

'Excuse me beautiful lady, I think you've dropped something... my heart!'

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

"I want to make it with you."

'You can't join the Federal Witness Protection program just to keep your friends from seeing your bald spot.'

'Nobody will see it in the sauna. Besides, how bad can your birthmark actually be?'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"Oh, yes, Paul—whisper sweet sponsored content in my ear."

'That Al Gore is so patronizing!'

'I'm so embarrassed driving such a filthy vehicle...'

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

Toupee shop showcases hairy head covering.

ACME DATING SERVICE, 'Do you take trade-ins?'

"Just shoot me if I ever take up power walking."

"Not one looks like her date's profile pic."

'Please leave your message after the tone...'

Love Birds love going on holiday together

Bitch-Slapping Scalia

"Dating is hard when you feel like people only like you for your legs."

"This is my husband, John. He works for the CIA."

'Still ugly? Then come in and get p****d'

'Aww, how cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

Old woman with a government improvement grant meeting with a cosmetic surgeon

'With us it was loathe at first sight.'

"I finally found a look that covers all my flaws."

Insecurity

"We have an arrangement."

'Okay, I'll be your Valentine, but don't get any funny ideas.'

"Oh, just picking up the pieces of my life after a really traumatic haircut."