Self-celebrating Boss Gifts

'Miss Stevens, I'm not to be disturbed. I'm indulging in a period of self-congratulation.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Staff support"

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Golfing Boss

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'