Boss's Birthday Gifts

What he lacks in ability and experience he makes up in being the chairman's son.

Happy Hatchday, Sir

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!