Corporate Birthdays Gifts

"All work and no play makes you a valued employee."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

How leaders fail

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Team Leader

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Networking

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

The Salesman

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."