Seer Aficionado Gifts

'Any jobs out there in the, you know, nether regions?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

My other cello is a Stradivari

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

'Well, I thought crankbaits made really great stocking stuffers.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Come up and purr in her other ear... she likes the surround sound."

Some musicians discovering a noise from a boiling kettle

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Little Richard

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

Older and wiser

"You will dance on your enemy's grave."

'Bring back my crystal ball!'

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

"I'll be right back."

"Who's there?"

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

A self-filling prophecy.

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

'I think I've spotted our problem.' (too many consultants)

'Of course we cross Martin Luther off our Christmas card list!'

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

"You'll meet a handsome young man who will marry your best friend."

Fortune teller has a diary for 2017

Before she disciplined a student, Principal Helen Edelman played recordings of previous visitors to her office.

"I've got a bad feeling about this Kenneth.'

Flying Ear Specialist

"The future's looking bleak! Is that it?"

"I'd like to be tried by a Jury of my Seers."

Two psychics have shops next to each other; one advertises "Second Opinions".