Security Protocol Fan Gifts

'This chap's been through every day since we got the new scanners.'

'Mommy -- Jimmy just wrote his first computer virus!'

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

'If a hacker steals all my information from my health records do they keep my health problems too?'

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'Stealth broom.'

"Infecting their computers with the Pillage&Plunder Virus just doesn't give the same satisfaction as actually doing it."

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"Oh, I forgot that you missed the meeting. Our data security team added some new protection when accessing patient data files."

'We've given up on anti-virus software in favour of this!'

'Stand back!...She's cleared out three local stores in the last year.'

Genetic Engineering - biohazards dept.

"We don't need facial recognition for our long-term employees. We just match their butts to the seat of their chair."

'You need a better password. Everybody will be able to guess you password as 'woof'.'

Godzilla's Security Question

Putin and some Russian hackers

"You're confusing me with someone else. I'm in Document Destruction and I just need to get to your shredder bin."

'Hey, look, the sprinkler system works.'

We know your e-mail address!

"Big data, firewalls and would-be hackers, they're nothing new . . ."

Safety pin factory.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Sorry, guys, but it only opens for my paw print."

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

Betty liked to use safety glasses

'Now that's what I call a guard dog.'

The worst part about the end of a ninja convention is all the smoke bombs.

"Can I see some I.D. - not that security doesn't already have you pegged."

Put your nude photos on the internet! Confidentiality assured!

Cybersecurity Laws Are For Little People

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

"Security, would you review the surveillance tape and tell me where the hell I placed my keys?"