Security System Fan Gifts

"Sorry, guys, but it only opens for my paw print."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

After the Nordstrom-Nordstream Merger

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

'I always wanted two lips!' Why the chicken crossed the road.

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"We don't need facial recognition for our long-term employees. We just match their butts to the seat of their chair."

Genetic Engineering - biohazards dept.

'Stand back!...She's cleared out three local stores in the last year.'

"Lollipop man, dear.. what lollipop man?"

Godzilla's Security Question

Putin and some Russian hackers

Man looking at window with beware of attack bird sign.

'Hey, look, the sprinkler system works.'

We know your e-mail address!

"Big data, firewalls and would-be hackers, they're nothing new . . ."

Safety pin factory.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Easy does it, Ralph."

Betty liked to use safety glasses

'Now that's what I call a guard dog.'

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

"Can I see some I.D. - not that security doesn't already have you pegged."

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

Keep Apart 2 Chevrons

"Security, would you review the surveillance tape and tell me where the hell I placed my keys?"

Air Bag.

'This chap's been through every day since we got the new scanners.'

America's Funniest Surveillance Camera Videos

"This vehicle also has a rear blind spot elimination assistant fitted as standard."

"Here, let me take that for you."

'I'm afraid we aren't open to the public yet.'