Security Installer Gifts

'Morning, ma'am. I'm here to install your security system.'

The Anti-Agent

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

No Soliciting

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

"Beware of Don"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Scarecrows guarding a field

Moulin Rouge Security

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

AI Safety Officer

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."