Securities Analyst Gifts

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

The Anti-Agent

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

The president's men

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Mario Draghi

Spot the difference.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."