Securities Analyst Gifts

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The Anti-Agent

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

The day the stock market went UP.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

The president's men

A fight in the Boardroom.

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Mario Draghi

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'