Securing A Rental Gifts

"Don't worry, dear. When it comes to getting you a better place, money is no object."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Full central heating and hardwood floors throughout, the flat also benefits from being close to all major transport routes."

"It's a little bit small,but it's got great cross ventilation."

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

The lessor of two evils.

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs who had this real sweetheart of a rent-controlled deal."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

"Just to let you know - we're putting up your rent again..."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Am I safe in assuming that your requirements do not include a formal dining room?'

"Look! It's the Buy-to-let brigade."