Secular Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"It would be terrible if atheists ran things. No weekends."

"You call this a constitution?"

Dogma

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"That's our new church mascot."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

'Please take your receipt!'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

Finger puppets in church.

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

A woman in prayer

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

Om and Ommer

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

Nativity - The sitcom

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

When The Seven Deadly Sins Come Knocking.

'When I asked for your favourite Saint, I didn't think of someone like Michael Ballack, son.'

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."