Secret Identity Sleuth T-Shirts

"I don't think they'll ever find out who 'Housefly Man' is. Now, let's eat."

"No, that's not the right Mr. Wayne either...maybe Batman doesn't have a telephone!"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

$1: Family Secrets

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Clickbait

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

Glasses on, Crazy Cowman's secret identity was safe

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

Two men converse secretively

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

What security flaw?

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

"Chef keeps the secrets of his sauces close to his chest"

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

Advanced Password Hint

'It's okay, mom. I go through this every day at school.'

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'