Secret Identity Sleuth T-Shirts

"I don't think they'll ever find out who 'Housefly Man' is. Now, let's eat."

"No, that's not the right Mr. Wayne either...maybe Batman doesn't have a telephone!"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

$1: Family Secrets

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Clickbait

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

Glasses on, Crazy Cowman's secret identity was safe

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

Two men converse secretively

Secret Identity Theft.

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

What security flaw?

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

"Chef keeps the secrets of his sauces close to his chest"

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

The News. Editor. Cough! Cough! That dry cough starts every time he makes a call. The editor is a "phone hacker"!

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."