Secret Album Detective Gifts

'I don't know how Beyonce could do a secret album in this day and age.'

Private Viewing

Woman sat at desk whilst her shadow does her dream career of being an artist.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

Files of Doom

Watergate is just the tip of the iceberg phobia. 'I have here secret government documents that describe the events leading up to Custer's Last Stand.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

music store

"Greatest Band?"

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"We don't sell CDs anymore. We sell colorful jackets for the music you download illegally."

"I can't understand how it got lost - I haven't filed it yet"

'I'm sorry sir. I'm afraid you can't see the menu. It's top secret.'

"Mr Yomp is in a big hurry, so give him 'speedy runaround number 39'..."

"It was just humming right along - then began whistling."

Woman going through files being grabbed by weird creature in X Files.

'I have here secret government documents that describe the events leading up to Custer's Last Stand.'

Government "Information" Agency.

Man marks documents as 'Illegal', 'Sweet Spot' and 'Legal'.

"There's a loophole in there somewhere, Haskins. Pretends it's truffle."

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

"Of course I could tell you more about the job...but then I would have to kill you!"

Violin Pipe

"He'd been drunk,he'd been walking past the zoo...there had been something else, but damn he couldn't remember."

Flea Market

Wiki Leaks

Bulldozer reshapes hill that produces echoes.

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

'Is that true? - Did you tape over her soap opera?'

'You suck at identifying sounds!'