Seating Plan Specialist Gifts

Gravestones.

Deadline

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"We thought we could put in the details later."

"My schedule is just nuts."

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

"Someone's screwed up. . . there's apiece of road here no-one's working on!"

"We seem to be going round in circles."

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

'Now, if we stick to our financial plan, I can retire at 55 and you at 87.'

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

'Have you given any thought to what you're going to do with your life after Summer Vacation?'

"Damn! Trust me to get a seat behind the umpire!"

'Wow...I've got to admit, Stanley...when you said you always got the best seats I thought you were just blowing smoke.'

"A parent/teacher conference? Let me check my schedule and I'll have my people get with your people."

"Because I'm the king and I like it better than the old one, that's why."

'I'm always on the edge of my Twickenham seat...I can't afford the full business debenture rate.'

'We projected every contingency except for our plan actually working.'

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

'I need five weekly lesson plan books. Not only do I tend to overplan, but I feel more comfortable with contingency plans.'

Planning dept.

"Well, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell him he's not a lap dog!"

Woman on a pedestal who married the planning expert.

'The only reason I bring my bike on the train is to get a seat!'

"We'll alternate the windbags with the hard-of-hearing."

'We projected every contingency except for our plan actually working.'

Though Bob was 32, he still got stuck at the little table.

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'

"Planning, when do I have time for that, I don't even have time to get dressed in the morning!"

'It's a stressful time for him every year, he really worries about getting the numbers spot on!'

'He was a brilliant strategist but not much of a horseman.'

"That's my idea of an open floor plan office."

Disorganised Crime

'We hope you don't mind, David is particular about his lumbar support.'