Seat Strategist Gifts

"Damn! Trust me to get a seat behind the umpire!"

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'How about a game of cards?'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

"I like to stay on top of things."

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"Somebody has screwed-up the seating arrangements" - Seating is an optical illusion.

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

"This is my stop, Phil, you'll be C.E.O. till Sixty-third Street."

Flexible working

'You can get into enough trouble just in Geneva -- no way you're going to a summit conference in LAS VEGAS!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Sidewalk the game

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

'When we got married, I said I'd move mountains for you...I never said anything about a sofa!'

I'd say you've got assertivity issues

I'm sorry - could you run that past me again?

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

'Wow...I've got to admit, Stanley...when you said you always got the best seats I thought you were just blowing smoke.'

'A 217 in math and a 222 in reading? Really those are fine SAT scores. Fine Scores. You'll make a great addition o our football team, Brad.'

No More Waiting Around

'And remember, no layaways, personal checks or terrorizing the villagers.'

"We'll alternate the windbags with the hard-of-hearing."

Though Bob was 32, he still got stuck at the little table.

"Technically I have managed to get that big old sofa out the door..."

'Of course there's a solution - buy a three seater settee.'

G20 Summit in Australia

Insignificant Jockey

"Baldo, you will never flip off people on the highway again...do you hear me?"