Seasonal Satirist Pillows

"Save my spot?"

'Have you considered making your will?'

"No giblets, but there's an organ-donor card."

'I'm the ghost of non-sectarian midwinter public holiday future.'

'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!'

"I give you about ten days, then your head will rot."

'Bloody hell - you took your time didn't you?'

"Have a merry fourth quarter."

Drunken Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Santa's in/out boxes read: Ho and Ho Ho respectively.

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

'You should've guessed people would cut down on sweeps in this economy.'

Inconvenient Christmas.

"You didn't know there was a change of seasons here?"

"Summer is here!"

"I'm determined to beat the traffic, I just need to work out how they fly."

"Dear, do I take Holly or Jolly with food?"

"Did you get some work done?"

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

"I tried to be good, but there are no decent role models these days."

Autummmmn....

"We've decided to cut back and have Christmas every other year."

'How much to just stop?!'

Santa prepares the world for its 'gift' which he intends on giving this year . . .

Only 30 'Moaning about how commercial it's all getting' days 'til Christmas!

"Oh yes flavour of the month at Easter, you just wait till christmas!"

What happens if it doesn't snow?

'Cheer up...Christmas is coming!'

Our life is better than yours Christmas letters

A 'fruitcake disposal' receptacle is set out during Christmas time . . .

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

Do we have to do this every time carol singers come around?

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Remember, we still have to complain about these beautiful sixty degree days when it turns seventy."

Santa imagines holding a child's mother instead of the child.