Scruffy Chic Stylist Gifts

"To prove I'm human, I check the box. It still won't let me in."

The Stat-shoe of Liberty.

'What's holding him up?'

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

Doulton Canada Geese

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

'They suit you.'

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

'Wow - My kind of man.'

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

'Gee, Doc; why the long face?'

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

I'm thinking of something in a Cheddar.

"I just had these linen scrubs dry-cleaned!"

Cactus Man.

"We're thinking of having your nose pierced."

"I want my back-to-school clothes to be stylish yet practical...comfortable yet rugged...something that says Gracie Bermudez!"

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

Could you make me look a little bit more 'cowy'?

'I think you'd look pretty good in a bun.'

Monks haircutting with compasses

Man with curly moustache and eyebrows.

"I'm alright, it's my hair...I need more hairspray."

"Aren't you worried that I may be a serial killer..?"

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"And which solar system are you from?"

Barnyard wigs.

You're doing too much, Mort. I don't know what you mean. Optimum scruffiness is a delicate balance. One cannot have both wild hair and a wild mustache. It must be one or the other. What about Einstein? He was behaired all over the place. The only exceptions are for hobos, bikers and the big-brained. I rode my Huffy here, does that count?

You put your shirt on backward again, Bob.

Coffee cup lids that don't fit properly and then dribble down the front of your best outfit just before the big meeting.

The grim reaper tries on new clothes

"How would you like to wake up with that every morning?"

"I think we both know it's time for the groomer."