Scripture Scene-stealer Gifts

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'They all want to play the star.'

World Tour.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"A horse by any other mane would small as sweat."

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"Although the depiction of gangland activity in this film is not accurate over all, I would like to go on record as saying that I am not entirely displeased with Mr. Robert De Niro's portrayal of a gentleman whom I take to have been a former associate of yours truly."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

Euthanasia Clinic

A monk illuminating a book with quill pen

'But everybody does that stuff!'

'Please hold any incoming personal calls for me. I need to disappear into character for a while!'

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."

'When will they come out in papyrus-back?'

"Hold on there buddy, that's not a KJV Bible." (two men talking, one with a Bible)

'I would describe it as a splitting headache.'

"That is six feet."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin..."

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

'I love appearing on stage. My only regret is that I can't be in the audience to fully appreciate my work.'

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'