Script Editor Gifts

"Could we make this a little more derivative."

'Scripts department' "I think old James has lost the plot"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

A Copy Editor and His Dog

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

Editor.

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hollywood producer.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

His last words were, "Stop correcting my grammar!" Here Lays Fred P. Smink.

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Actor practising his indian war crys

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

'Hang on a minute...'

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'