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Instructional guide to scribbling

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'You could do that.' I did

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

'Don't be hard on the boy, dear, I'm sure that Van Gogh's first sunflowers weren't so hot.'

Writer's Block Party

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

Outline; Introduction, Body, Conclusion.

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

Museum Guard Portrait

"Well, Martha, I certainly hope your Scrabble victories keep you warm at night!"

Come to bed, snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points, and then told him his parents don

"If you kids want to grow up to be writers, it's time we give you something to write about."

Writer’s Corner

'Pencil for Cartoonists.'

'I see a VERY important note from your doctor. Unfortunately, I can't read her handwriting.'

"You may enter, doctor, if you can read this prescription."

'Of course this scribble doesn't make any sense. Why do you think the critics call it an intellectual masterpiece?'

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

"Would you like to squiggle here something that no-one in a MILLION years would be able to read!"

Kate Atkinson