Screenplay Scribblers Gifts

Alan Bennett

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Herman Mankiewicz

"Bloody hell!"

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

Multi-Tasking

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

Puss in Heels

"Now all we need is a good script."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"Less talking, more abducting."

Will Self deprecation

'Oh man, every time.'

Dear Diary

"I've never been this excited about an anal probe before!"

Fredrich March as Dr. Jekyll

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

"I just don't think a giant flaming blob of alien ectoplasm would say that."

"I'm just a giant, rampaging gorilla, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love me."